Journal Entry #5 05 April 2016 2138 hrs

The new US president calls his chief of staff and asks him to prepare an all woman army (ground assault, air force, the whole deal) and use it for fighting in the middle east. "The only real way to beat a man is to scare him or humiliate him. And nothing would humiliate these extremist assholes and their implicit allies sell us oil (and use the money to buy them weapons) more thoroughly than being mercilessly annihilated by an army of women and women only.

"We've been fighting a one-year war, year after year for thirteen years. We have been paying big pharma for penicillin and the bacteria have become resistant. I am talking about vaccination, end the disease once and for all. You may think I am crazy or naive, but try to imagine what the scientists and politicians in the 1939 thought about Einstein when he imagined the atomic bomb? The people who built the bomb, the people who put us on the moon, they were truly mad, sure they were geniuses, but also mad. What we know about science, what we know of engineering today is largely because of the horrendous mistakes those guys made. They had NO idea what they were doing when it came to space flight, hypersonic behaviour, hell they didn't even know planes would fall apart from fatigue if you flew them high enough for long enough. they just thought of stuff and tried to make it happen, the recorded and analyzed their mistakes, learned from them and pushed on.

"Sadly, we haven't done that when it comes to protecting the interests of America. All this spending, this killing, this fighting and dying in foreign lands, its just a smoke screen, bright lights and loud noises that create the illusion that we're doing something about this serious problem, that we're protecting the interests of American citizens. What we're really doing is protecting the interests of the weapons manufacturers, the military-industrial complex. They need to sell killing machines to stay rich, so we buy them by pretending we need them. Once we buy them we must be seen to be using them, lest we give the impression we're wasting the tax payers money, God forbid. So, we find new excuses to use them, we kill and we tear families apart and we leave anger and hate in our wake, filling the ranks of our enemies with willing recruits.

"I want the real war to end all wars in the middle east. These fuckers, the ones at the top, they believe they have the God given right to rule the world because they call God by a certain name are men. A big part of their philosophy and their lifestyle is the subjugation of women. Even the so called 'progressive' Muslim countries with female nuclear scientists and commandos and whatnot are basically patriarchal hells dressed up pretty for the press. The freedoms women enjoy there are not considered their right, they are believed to be privileges granted by the men, to be withdrawn if and when a woman forgets her place, never mind what she's managed to achieve in the world. One of the pillars of their belief is that God put them above women, made them better, put them in charge.

"This would show them my man. Let them have their asses kicked to kingdom come by a bunch of women. That'll shut them up. I have four years in office, God willing I would not be killed or impeached before that time. Give me my Amazon army. Let us end this once and for all".

The chief of staff thinks the new president is bonkers, and the president can see it in his eyes. He leaves the meeting, thinking that it would've been better to elect Drumpf because this was an even bigger nut case. He had believed it wasn't possible for a bigger nutcase to exist and yet, he has just finished a meeting with one and would be reporting to him for the next four years. "How had none of them seen this coming?" he thinks to himself.

But, the boss has spoken and at least it isn't an order to nuke Russia. So as a token gesture he gets some of the lady brass in the forces together and hauls them over to the White House. He hopes this madness would be forgotten by next week. The president starts with "Ladies, I ask your help in ending the world of men". He starts outlining his plan, the expressions around him start changing from skeptical to resolute. Fifteen minutes later, before the incredulous eyes of the chief of staff, the irate female generals who had walked in to have their time wasted, walk out with the fire of fanaticism burning bright in their eyes. It is the beginning, of the end.

What would I say if I were to give a speech at the UN General Assembly as the Prime Minister of India

Assuming I am me, and not some alter ego of mine and somehow, despite being already completely lost at the age of 25 I decide to further exacerbate my present sorry state by pursuing a career in politics (though for the life of me I cannot imagine what mental ailment would compel me to do so) and succeed in bagging the biggest prize one can in this country, what would my first speech at the UN General assembly be?

(Not that the task of governing a billion and a half hypocritical, misogynist, religious fanatics can be considered a prize by anyone sane)

Now that I have ascertained that I might be seized by the fancy, no matter how unlikely the possibility, I think its wise that I write a speech before hand. I think it would be prudent to do so because my experience in life so far has taught me one thing- people change, and for the worse more often than not. Just like working at a corporate job and a school-college system of education surely destroys your creativity, working in politics will turn me into a jaded nemesis of myself. I would not be the pothead corpulent degenerate I am today, to whom the assertion that all the world's leaders and most of the world's adults are stark raving loony is a logical conclusion derived from careful observation of our world's deplorable condition.

You remember when you turned up for your first day at the first job? That the system running the workplace was an elaborate sham aimed at convincing outsiders a lot of work is being done while systematically making sure nothing ever shall get done was obvious to you wasn't it? Especially to those of you with the misfortune of being an engineer working at the so called core job. But four years down the line, you become one of the automatons, and you forget that you ever figured out something was very very wrong with the place to begin with.

Same principle, different field. I am sure, that by the time I become PM (or any one like me who decides to pursue this lunacy for that matter), I would be completely owned by the system, and would talk, act and spew garbage like the rest of riff-raff that composes world politics. So I'll write my speech now, thank you very much. I'll write it and save it on every online storage resource available to me, and I'll set a reminder on my mobile phone (and all the subsequent mobiles I own) for this date. Every year, from now till the day I become PM my mobile will dutifully beep on this day at midnight and remind me to read this speech to recall why I decided to go about embracing this form of slow death. (Jeez I talk like I am actually gonna run for the   job). And on the D-day, I'll carefully unwrap the brittle yellow pages of the handwritten hard copy, dust it off, scan it, re print it, smoke a toke of the most potent genetically modified weed available on the planet and get ready to drop the stink bomb on the world's high and mighty (assuming there is a world left).

But all that's beating about the bush. The speech will go something like this:

" Respected Secretary General of this august gathering, my fellow delegates, and all my mad compatriots back home, I stand here today in realization of a dream conceived many years ago at the cusp of my youth, one fine night while I was high as a kite. The dream was to one day stand where I stand today and tell you in clear, no nonsense, plain English, what a bunch of mad motherfuckers you all are.

For representation only. I don't like BiBi

Not only have you taken great pride in converting our home into a big stinking pile of industrial waste, you have actually convinced the sorry bastards who put you in office that its a great achievement to stockpile the instruments of your own annihilation. You have taught the populace of the world to take pride in preparing for suicide. The kind where a father shoots his kids, strangles his wife and then slits his own throat before blowing up the neighborhood"